Endings are a good time for reflection. Moving house can be stressful; moving away from the island which has been home for three years and nine months incredibly so. Particularly when there are strong winds, high seas and continual ferry disruption to contend with. What I have learned is that it's almost imposible to remain present and mindful when stressed. Even so, there are moments within the madness when I am aware it is mad, when I step back just for a minute and touch base with that inner calm, that calm certainty which led me to make this massive change.
The last visit to a favourite beach, accompanied by friends and a slightly unreal feeling, as though I am floating just outside my body. There but not-there. As though I've already left & only the ghost of me remains.
The last night, an empty, echoing house; just as it was when I came here. Suddenly the tears come without warning; a terrible, overwhelming sadness. The end. To sit quietly with it, to fully accept and feel it, is difficult, but necessary. Then the wheel turns on, the depth goes out of the sadness; there is always something to be getting on with.
A sense of closing my eyes and stepping over the cliff-edge, with nothing more than a deep-seated conviction that this is the right thing to do. Fear and exhilaration in equal measure. I am on my right path.
No comments:
Post a Comment